That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
