apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
