I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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