Already got asked if we're dating
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
