Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
