ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
