And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
cat food counts as protein by the way
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
