Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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