its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you traded sex for a burrito?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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