Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Randomize
