Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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