Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
