Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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