I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
zippers are such a cool invention
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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