I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there's paper in my vomit.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Randomize
