I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
