Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
COCAINE IS GR8
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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