I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
