now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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