And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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