There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
