Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I cockslap morals
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
