Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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