At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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