he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
