so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
