shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
