Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
