you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
