I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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