farters have to be the big spoon...
She announced her abortion via fbk
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
