Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
