Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
