matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
