So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
