At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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