Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
