The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
