There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
