You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
