I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
