addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
