I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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