Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
