You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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