My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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