I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
