you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
