It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
