She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
