Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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