And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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