Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
